Change. We always see others somehow figuring out how to do it. Some person out there figures out how to change and lose a ton of weight. Some other person out there learns how to conquer a health problem. Some married couple out there figures out how to change and save their marriage, making it strong than ever. Some people manage to change the entire course of their lives with complete career and education changes. Some people manage to change their finances, radically, and create wealth. Some people manage to find joy after struggling with years of mental illness. Some people learn how to let go of past offenses and renew their capacity for love. Some people manage to sincerely repent of sins and make drastic strides toward becoming a more Christ-centered person.
To change is to become different. It is the act of becoming different.
But, the power, the actual miraculous fundamental change that some people manage to take on…how does that happen? What is the secret? How do we invite such change to happen to us?
From Water to Wine
This week while studying the Come Follow Me for Individuals and Families my family and I discussed Jesus’s first miracle of turning water into wine for His mother. Our discussion was simply lovely. And, while there were many facet’s to this miracle of “change,” the formula is not complex.
- The miracle of change was preceded by a request from Mary, Jesus’s mother. She said quite clearly, “We are out of wine. Help.”
- Then, as my eldest sister pointed out in our discussion, the water was changed to wine only by the servants doing exactly what Christ said. It mattered little that His instructions in this instance were simple. What mattered most was that “whatever He saith unto you, do it” (John 2:5), and they did. Water was changed to the best wine ever drunk.
Christ demonstrates in this first miracle (and teaches all of us) that the power to change comes from and through Him. First, we must desire to change and ask for His help. Then, we must do exactly what He asks us to do in order for the miracle to come.
For Ourselves and For Others
Many years ago, while struggling to avoid divorce and save my first marriage, I read a book called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It’s an excellent book, but what stuck out to me was his repeated caveat that his advice and commentary were only effective on someone who was a good Christian man or woman who reasonably wanted to be good. Over and over he pointed out that extreme cases would not likely be effected by much of the suggestions in the book. Why? Because if a person is not willing to follow Christ and invite His power into their lives there is no power to change (at least not fundamentally). Cursory change, temporary change, most of us can accomplish that. Fundamental change? That requires godly power. It requires us to reasonably desire to be good.
Though this section is about changing ourselves, it should be noted that if we desire to change others, such cannot be accomplished unless we are first willing to change ourselves. We can’t say, “Well, I’ll be nice when he/she learns to be nice. I wouldn’t have any trouble if he/she would simply…” (Matthew 5:46-47). If our desire to change is fueled only by our wish that others would change, then our change will never be permanent. Blame also only stunts personal growth and puts accountability on others instead of ourselves. If we think ourselves so powerless that our own personal change is dependent upon the actions of others, then the minute the other person jumps off the change bandwagon, we will too. And we will both remain—unchanged.
Our change is entirely independent of the change we desire in others. We have to decide who we want to be independent of others. That way, when we invite the power of Christ and He helps us to change in a deep, lasting, and fundamental way; what others do or don’t do won’t affect us so much. We can attain peace and joy independent of them.
When we desire to change ourselves in any way, all we need to do in order to gain the power we need is to invite Christ into our lives. We come to Him with our metaphorical empty pitcher of X-characteristic/need and ask Him to take what we have and help us change it into a full pitcher of X-characteristic/need. Then we pray, sincerely, and continually, “Whatever though sayest, I will do it.”
The scriptures are replete with God’s commandments to us. It may seem too simple. But, the quickest and easiest way to gain the power to change and become something different (in any way) is by acting to become something different. Choose any Christlike characteristic and practice becoming more Christlike. Practice temperance, patience, forgiveness, mercy, charity, long-suffering, selflessness, service, kindness, etc.
As we invite Christ’s power into our lives in any way He will reciprocate with gifts of power. As we become more forgiving and patient our minds will be open to revelation on how to achieve the change we desire in another area of our lives. It doesn’t matter whether it’s losing weight, saving your marriage, or pursuing a new career path. The more Christlike attributes we practice and assimilate into our fundamental nature, the more power, light, and truth we can receive. All three of these things give us not only the motivation, but that actual capacity to become better, different—to change.
We can’t. Period.
We should never attempt to manipulate, guilt, persecute, abuse, or coerce other people into changing. Change brought about by fear is damaging and unChristlike. It may create temporary change, but eventually the victim will rebel or retaliate. Such change is not lasting. And, those who attempt to bring about such change are sinning against others and against God. Thus, their power to change and become better decreases because of their unrighteous dominion (Doctrine & Covenants 121:37).
But, we can influence others powerfully. As we change ourselves (see above), the power of Christ that enters our lives and homes will naturally impact and influence others…if they have a reasonable desire to be good, they will over time (maybe a very, very long time, who knows) be influenced by our example.
How much power is there in love? If you know the answer to that, then you know the only answer to influencing others to change is Christlike love. Ask God, “How can I show love to <name> as You would?” Then, go and do it.
Now, remember, those who don’t reasonably desire to be good may not respond to all the loving and Christlike influence in the world. It is not okay or reasonable for us to submit to the unrighteous dominion of others. In such cases, the best way to show love and to influence another to change is by understanding and properly issuing spiritual ultimatums. God uses them. We can too, if we seek His guidance.
Change is always within our grasp. Whatever the change is that we desire, we can have it, if we are sincere. If we take our request to God and submit to the conditions He sets for us to succeed in that change we seek, He will guide us and teach us what to do. All we need to do then is to go and do it. The power to change will be there.
If Christ can change water to wine, He can change us if we seek it sincerely. We can begin to invite the power to change ourselves and others into our lives immediately as we keep the commandments God gives us, and seek to practice Christlike characteristics and become Christlike ourselves. Christ is the only one with power that can change us permanently, fundamentally, and eternally. No other supposed power, no other motivation will last sufficiently long to change us. Only Christ can change us.
Invite Him into your lives and change becomes possible.
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